the writer
a writer, eh? not really. but why? because i'm a hopeless romantic. taunt me. laugh like the hyena. do the hokey-pokey. pounce on me. tell me how hopeless i am... real hopeless. go ahead. that's fine with me...
or share some pity and feel my pain. isn't that him, the dying martyr? oh, the poor chap. look at his frail limbs and fragile soul. but no, no. you'd never say that.
because i'm just a freakin' writer who no one cares about.. do tell me if i'm wrong, huh. not that i care.

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past notes

April 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005


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8.09.2005

from thirty to zilch.

[this is a direct chronological account recording all the "significant events" that made way from 6 am of saturday to 12 noon of sunday.]

30:00:00

oh please, it's saturday. give yourself some sleep. i shut my eyes; faster than you can say breakfast, they were open again.

damn. i need to relax. and this sleep problem's not helping.

nina, live! was jigging along at our neighbor's house. this early? and loud? oh shoot. did i remember you again? anyway, God bless. I love you.
still lying down, i kept on thinking about what could be happening during those moments at state university. and i felt.. oddly excited for them.

God bless to all of you. especially you... don't forget someone's thinking of you right NOW...

26:00:00

wow. did i say anything before about being too lax and complacent? well, here i am, reading "The Prophet" by Frank E. Peretti, making no concerted effort of grabbing that upcat reviewer beside me. mind you, the novel's that good.

two jeepney rides from here, some guy and girl is frantically thinking about the answer to item no. 135. some kid's eating his chocolate. some nerd broke his pencil. some poor chap was crying because he came in late, or worse, forgot his permit.

and there was i, lying at my ever present bed... wishing luck to all of you, silently praying...

20:00:00

now the second batch has revved up, most probably, while i'm eating my nestle crunch bar... and all i did was keep on thinking of you. am i losing my marbles?

17:00:00

my old man wants me to have my hair trimmed. owing to that, i feel like some boxhead.

14:00:00

now my heart's pumped up. and there's this sickly feeling of coldness, of high metabolism rates. at least some greetings warmed me up, as i recalled this lenghtly e-mail from her, a wish-you-well text from a she who supposedly was turning on the cold shoulder... and an opposite and equally cold shoulder from her. oh yeah, that's YOU girl.

13:00:00

before crashing into bed, i tried to prepare stuff for the big day - pencils, permits, IDs, nestle crunch, and a bottle of summit.

no watch. no time-tracking. or so i thought.

"gab, sayo ba itong relos na to?" said my mom, who was just rummaging into some junk.

i took a close look at what she just held - a white casio box, partially opened... and voila! the watch that i needed.

"opo, akin yan." i snatched the thing from her like some newfound illegal treasure.

a sudden rush of memory flooded into my thoughts. trusting my instincts, i took out the contents of the box, including the watch-holder... and lo, and behold... beneath was a blue note; in it a sentence was embedded, and four glistening letters spelling out a name.
it said... "wag ka nang magpapalate, ha? love you... kaye."
and the memories kept coming back...

11:00:00

gab, try to sleep. focus. set aside those pens and paper away... just for once. sleep now. NOW. PLEASE. please.... ZZZZ.

06:00:00

lub-dub. lub-dub. lub-dub. the beat rhythmically progressed, seemingly louder and louder from inside my chest. and my hands - were they freezing?

04:30:00

come on. eat something. you'll need it. grab that crunch bar. and stop doodling - you're wasting those precious pencils. try to keep yourself warm.

01:00:00

pocketing all the essentials, i brought myself to the back seat of our car. no, i didn't forget anything - everything's fine. i prayed that the traffic would be as fine too... but it wasn't. upon reaching philcoa, the car looked like it would run out of gas... due to the fact that the place was jampacked.

i tried to feel my hand. oh no, it wasn't there.... oh. there it is, slightly numb and cold. owe it to the scenery outside our windows: bumper to bumper traffic, that's what it was.

00:30:00

man. half an hour gone just trying to inch our way to the oblation mark. this is making me sick.

00:15:00

a hundred meters from palma hall, said my father. how long will this eternity last??? i motioned to lift that latch separating me from the outside, when my old man insisted not to. you'll get there when you get there, i tried to assure myself.

00:10:00

click. chug. i found myself facing the white facade of palma hall, my host for this year's upcat. i made my way up the three flights of stairs stride by stride, and triumphantly i entered the walls of the building... only to see a quite long queue of students here and round over there. stunning as it was...

"gab!" a familiar voice called from somewhere. turning around, i saw janine and reuben on the near side of the long line. "dito ka na."

breathing a sigh of relief, i joined the party.

00:05:00

this is your day, and you're the man. so better do good. and help me Lord!

a proctor asked for my test permit. i had it ready, no problem with that. everything would be fine...

as i stared outside the ledge of the second floor, i couldn't stop but think... and think... and think... of what could happen.

00:01:00

we entered room 216. i sat near the window. pencil in hand (and ear)... i started to feel a bit confident - the goosebumps were gone.

good luck to me.

00:00:00

aaaaaaaaand.. here we go!!!!

the silent spoke up on 06:26

_______

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