the writer
a writer, eh? not really. but why? because i'm a hopeless romantic. taunt me. laugh like the hyena. do the hokey-pokey. pounce on me. tell me how hopeless i am... real hopeless. go ahead. that's fine with me...
or share some pity and feel my pain. isn't that him, the dying martyr? oh, the poor chap. look at his frail limbs and fragile soul. but no, no. you'd never say that.
because i'm just a freakin' writer who no one cares about.. do tell me if i'm wrong, huh. not that i care.

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8.30.2005

a turning point?

five years ago, i would glare at my friends everytime they taunt me whenever she passes by. i would bow my head, cover my ears, sit in a corner, and ignore all those jeers. i would blush a deep shade of crimson everytime our eyes meet. i would be avoiding her like some contagious lunatic.

i would be like that - a pessimist lover, as they call it; the one who has a thousand senseless reasons to say when asked "why do you love someone?" not that i could really say that "i loved her"... maybe i don't; maybe it's infatuation, or worse, obssession. maybe love was just a game to me. maybe i did not really know what love is.

that was five years ago.

since then i've changed, no thanks to the many faces and places i've encountered. since then i've to become a whole new someone barely distinguishable from that little kid five years ago.

and now... i know. i've learned. i've understood. i suddenly realize that love is something much deeper than what it seems to be. it's not a simple game where someone wins by a mile and someone loses his dignity. it cannot be judged by a thousand senseless reasons; in fact, technically you don't have a reason for loving someone... and it's definitely not a case of mere obssession or sheer infatuation or anything like that. it could only be, at best, a tiny fragment of the big picture.

since then i've learned how to love. to love through hurting and pain. to give, yet not to receive. to stand strong through tear-flooded eyes. to realize when enough really is enough. to hold on. to let go. to forgive and forget. to move on... to accept the fact that if you weren't meant to be, it's just as is. to find someone else, and hope that you'll get something better in return. to face the truth (yeah, face it guys and girls!) that this is what really happens, until you meet the person of your dreams.

*sigh.* all said and done, that's how it is... for now. who knows, five years later, things might change, take a turn for better... or for worse.

the silent spoke up on 21:33

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