the writer
a writer, eh? not really. but why? because i'm a hopeless romantic. taunt me. laugh like the hyena. do the hokey-pokey. pounce on me. tell me how hopeless i am... real hopeless. go ahead. that's fine with me...
or share some pity and feel my pain. isn't that him, the dying martyr? oh, the poor chap. look at his frail limbs and fragile soul. but no, no. you'd never say that.
because i'm just a freakin' writer who no one cares about.. do tell me if i'm wrong, huh. not that i care.

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did you hear me?

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speak up...



past notes

April 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005


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7.11.2005

long distance.

ring... ring... ring, the phone whimmed. i was then tasked by dear ol' dad the unenviable practice of answering the call - ateneo vs. la salle was just about to start then.

"hello?"
"good evening. is this mr. gabriel de leon?"
"yes, ma'am. why?"
"a certain miss kaye lapuz is trying to call you from miami, florida. would you take the call?"
silence. my heart suddenly skipped two beats. is this for real? i was then lost into a quandary of emotions..
"sir, are you still there?" came the operator's sweet voice from the receiver.
"uh, yes... i'll take the call."
"thank you. a moment, please..."
tick. tock. tick. tock -

"hello gab!" a familiar voice resounded from the other end. a tune, sweeter than that of any interlude i could think of, mild, mellow.... a jovial sound that once was the response which i always hear, four years past.... all coming back at that moment.
"kaye? therese kaye lapuz??" i still couldn't believe what i've just heard.

"oo gab, ako ito. at marunong pa rin akong mag-tagalog, don't worry..." she said, then a gasp of laughter followed, that oh-so-familiar muffled melody. (goodness, what's happening to me?)
"hehe... okey, kaw nga talaga yan. alam mo, nung isang araw lang, naalala kita. namimiss na pala kita... hehehe!!" now i knew it was for real. that was she.
"oo nga eh. ikaw rin. ba't naman bigla mo akong naalala??? ikaw ha. joke!"
"kasi, malakas ang ulan dito. naaalala mo pa nung naglakad tayo sa ulan dati, kasi wala tayong pamasahe?"
"ah, oo!!! waw naman, salamat, naaalala mo pa pala ako."
obviously overjoyed at the way things are going, i replied, "syempre. ikaw pa! pano kitang makakalimutan, ha?? kaw kasi, iniwan-iwan mo pa ako dito!"
"haha. ang sweet mo pa rin hanggang ngayon... nakakamiss ka talaga. sorry ha, di ko rin naman ginustong umalis diyan eh."
"alam ko. at miss na rin kita... ano, kwento naman! kamusta na buhay dyan?"
"ayos lang. taas ng grades ko dito eh, as usual. haha!! nga pala, bakasyon na rin dito. ikaw, musta pag-aaral mo?"
"ah, ako?? ayos lang. pa-graduate na ako. huhu, ang tanda ko na."
"oo nga noh, belated nga pala!!! sorry hindi kita nabati... pasensya na ha!!"
"hay nako. ganyan naman eh.. di, ayos lang yun. kaw naman yan eh. hehehe!"


silence. why is there silence after every laugh?
"oo nga pala, bakit ka tumawag?? promise, nagulat talaga ako."
"hay. gab, gusto mo talagang malaman?"
halt. my hand suddenly ached. "why the sudden change of mood, kaye? okey lang yun. ano nga?"
"sige na nga. pero bago ko sabihin... kung magagalit ka sa akin pagkatapos nito, maiintindihan kita. wala akong galit sayo, gab."
still i did not understand. "kaye, ano na yun? please."
"gab..." she said slowly, "naalala mo ba nung bago ako umalis? nangako ako sayo... tama ba?"
"...oo." then i knew where this conversation was going. for a fleeting second i wanted to shout farewell at the receiver and slam it hard. but, no...
"uhm, so ito, tumutupad lang ako sa pangako ko. gab... ganito yun. may boyfriend na ako... ulit."
it was mind-shattering. torn between the idea of crying out loud in front of mom and dad or reacting otherwise, i kept my silence.


"gab, andyan ka pa?"
"oo naman... sino, yung kapitbahay nyo? what's his name again... james?"
"... oo siya yun. ayos ka lang?"
"hehe, syempre. basta sabihin mo lang pag sinaktan ka nyan ha."
"sabi mo eh. pangako yan. hahaha!!"
i took a dose of new air. "kaye, since nasabi mo na naman yung dapat mong sabihin, at alam nating mahal ang long distance call, siguro hanggang dito na lang. pasensya na ha, kasi tatay ko eh. alam mo naman diba... pasensya na. at salamat talaga."
"ganun ba? sige, ayos lang, naiintindihan kita. kakarating lang din ng nanay ko. sige, gab, paalam na. at salamat sa lahat. hindi talaga kita makakalimutan."
"ako rin. o siya, baka mahuli ka pa. basta sabihin mo sa lalaking yan, ingatan ka niya ha. kundi lagot siya saken."
"naks naman. sige. ako bahala dun. hehe! at nakakamiss pala talagang mag-tagalog."
"baket, marunong ka pa naman ha!"
"ganun ba? hehe. sige, babay na talaga, gab."
"sige, bye...."

no. i still had to say something else.
"kaye... teka lang..."
"ano yun?"
"uhm, kaye... i love you... at hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang isang kaibigan na tulad mo."
"....gab, nakakagulat ka.... hehe. love you too. ingat ka diyan ha."
"ikaw rin. sige, bye, therese kaye."
"bye gabriel... i miss you. God bless."


beep. beep. beep. beep.
she was gone.
beep. beep. beep. beep.
she's not there anymore. i put the handset down.


"c'mon gab, things happen. it'll pass...." i quietly said to myself.
back on the couch, i stared into the white ceiling.

i miss you too...

the silent spoke up on 19:31

_______

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DEAR READER,

This blog site is no more used by the writer.

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gee... thanks guys...
(gee, thanks guys...)