a writer, eh? not really. but why? because i'm a hopeless romantic. taunt me. laugh like the hyena. do the hokey-pokey. pounce on me. tell me how hopeless i am... real hopeless. go ahead. that's fine with me...
or share some pity and feel my pain. isn't that him, the dying martyr? oh, the poor chap. look at his frail limbs and fragile soul. but no, no. you'd never say that.
because i'm just a freakin' writer who no one cares about.. do tell me if i'm wrong, huh. not that i care.
did you hear me?
ace | adam | anna | ate airuz | ate aleth | ate anna | ate kimie | ate kris | ate lorine | ate norai | ate patit | bricci | cynthia | dana | desa | dina | gelynne | gerald | graziella | hazel | jaimee | jamie | janica | jason | jenny | justin | kathy | kuya dean | kuya james | kyreen | larz | m.a.j.i.k. | macy | marella | miles | phimie | raphael | rhio | pikselot | swastika | toki | yeye/valen
speak up...
past notes
April 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
credits
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I LOVE YOU...
....oh my. what was i about to say?
I LOVE YOU...
....maybe i don't feel like saying anything at all.
I LOVE YOU...
....or, maybe i do feel like saying a lot.
I LOVE YOU...
....or maybe, i just don't know.
I LOVE YOU...
yes, that's it. i don't know. i'm clueless. befuddled. confused. shocked. in chaos. paranoia. a dilemma. quandarized state of mind. questions here, questions there. indifferent? speechless.
I LOVE YOU...
SILENT.
I LOVE YOU...
and of course, i do not know why.
I LOVE YOU...
maybe i just try to smile too much. maybe i shouldn't even be smiling. and maybe i don't even know why i was smiling (or trying to smile) at all...
I LOVE YOU...
maybe i should be crying right now. maybe i should be thinking about a reason to cry. maybe i should make myself feel so depressed about something. oh, or maybe, i really don't know how to cry.
I LOVE YOU...
maybe i'm being too serious about this life. or maybe i'm making my own life a laughing stock. maybe, i don't know what i've done, and what i'm doing with my life just yet.
I LOVE YOU...
maybe i should keep my mouth shut. maybe... i should learn how to keep my silence. maybe... i should stop this whole nonsense stuff NOW.
I LOVE YOU...
and maybe, i should start making sense out of my words....
I LOVE YOU.
dark eyebags. failing eyesight. zits. inherent rheumatized hands. asthma. flu. anemia. insomnia. recently, a pair of battered legs, fractured left foot inclusive. and of course, frail stature.
take at least three at a time. mix according to your liking, and voila! you have predicted my health status for the day.
please, give me a cure. i've tried stresstabs, heat pads, bandages, nebulizers, inhalers, daily supplements and a pair of glasses. any other ideas?
not quite effective as of the moment. and suddenly, it rains! while i walk along the sidewalks. just great. to start with, i never brought an umbrella. i'm freezing.
hey, aren't you surprised i'm not dead yet? no? seriously? or, won't you even consider it?
think again. (",)
your charm simmers into all
loneliness and misery, seemed
never to take its toll
boy and girl look up to you
wish to feel your dazzling radiance
indulge into the happiness you bring
leaves a smile into each being
you approach him, and him, and her
and tell them to share the love you know
raising up their hopes, and point out that
the sun will still be bright tomorrow
as you walk in the face of sunlight
you leave this dark trace behind
a shallow reminder of who you really are
which i see when the sun goes down
in the darkness, you show
the true colors of your insanity
as you ravish along the dark alleys
sucking life out of each seen being
a pretender! so vicious and clever
as she swoops down and circles behind
the unfortunate run, but all in vain
her claws would never let go
left alone and cold, speechless and silent
while the moon glowers over all
one sees the face of that young lady
who made him smile in the morn.
yes, that is she!
the truth only waits.
i am a witness
to your heinous crimes!
highly regarded, respected and loved!
tell me, do you deserve such?
no, i am no fool! don't make me one!
for even in dawn i see the monster in you.
deceiver! liar! that's what you should be called.
your deeds are of wrath, bane, agony
you try to be someone else
and hide the raving lunatic inside
reality bites my friend!
illusions are only for mere fiends
you're making yourself look stupid
thriving in darkness but dying in light
how do you feel now, knowing
your greatest mystery's unveiled
for one thing, you should know that
someone in this world doesn't love you now!
burn in the sun.
freeze in the rain.
sink into your lair,
oh bastard unhailed.
see how karma works?
making a disaster of you.
love is no merry-go-round
you idiot! i can tell.
look at my eyes. gaze into my soul.
feel me, how broken i am.
say sorry for breaking an innocent heart!
can't you see what you've done unto me?
i know you take no heed.
you don't really care.
that's fine with me! however, can you
still walk in dawn with that shadow on you?
silence kills.
yes it does, piercing his heart mercilessly. he tries to shake it off, ignore it, shove away the tears. apparently, successful. he waves off a smile, unseen to anyone - he's doing great! he grabs the door knob, pulls it, and off he walks into the bright blue sky. a wonderful transformation, no doubt.
almost perfect.
he passes through the sea of faces one by one. and that charming smile never left him. seems that nothing could stop him - it was definitely his day. everything was haply prearranged, prepared. nothing ever seemed to go wrong. nothing.
after a long span of time enjoying himself and his lady luck, he gazes upward, to the clouds. the sun was disappearing westward. and as he ponders on what had just happened during the past hours, he just couldn't help but smile toothily and shamelessly.
a bit tired out from the happenings, he started to walk home. a series of winding curves, he had known to heart - no difficulty there.
just around a corner, he finds himself eye to eye with a someone he easily recognizes even a mile away - long hair, fair complexion, confident aura, and that ever present smile.
meanwhile, he is abruptly stopped from his fast walking pace, overwhelmingly suprised at what he was seeing. first thought was to smile - but then, as though spontaneously, melancholy befell
upon the supposedly lucky guy.
"sorry," he muttered, mustering up all for a sincere apology, as he has obviously blocked the girl's way.
the girl, seemingly unaware of the boy's presence, merely turned a few degrees, and walked ahead unaffected.
unexplicably, the boy turned back and looked at the girl's direction - she wasn't there, probably had turned around the corner. he ran, and turned, went up, looked this way, returned that way, to no avail. the girl was gone.
he turned around, and there was nothing in sight, but four avenues that he didn't know as to where it led.
he then fell silent, as always. but this time, there were no bright skies, no familiar and jovial faces, no smile to hide the pain. broken down on his knees, he forced his palms into his face and let the tears which he, for so long, held from trickling down.
hold it. i've had enough of this stuff.
five days ago, our pesky little principal announced that there will be an off-campus for the fourth year students... in order to complete their rischurch projects in due time. [sic]
but before she was forced to heed the student's call....
she administered an opiate of research ramblings, i. e. why were we not able to do extensive RRL and all that stuff, amounting to two hours of precious time. time and again we tried telling her that we did not have the sufficient time to do so, since we weren't given ANY time at all.
quoting her: we wanted to know, what is the real issues, that's why we invited you here.
all pleadings, at first perception... to no avail.
until the bugging research teacher acted savior. and so she did approve of the off campus.
anyway, that workaholic dude is no savior. he's just the pressurizer.
then came monday... everything was on due course until she blabbered again:
"i think we should suspend this off campus for at least one day. hindi pa kasi naayos yung schedule. may you now please return to your respective classrooms."
instantly there was an uproar. whaddya expect anyway??? hurrah??
then our group was invited to the principal's office for the umpteenth time, i think. but nonsense was breathing around there, so excused myself out. things were just so frustrating.
anyway, the off campus still did push its way through, and we ended up in the UP College of Science Library, and eventually, with nothing at hand.
an aura of doubt suddenly enveloped the minds of many student researchers. they had a good point though, as here came day two, tuesday.
as of eight o'clock, people were swarming in and out of the school grounds. things were running smooth...
enter the dep-ed supervisor.
effective 9:01 am, no one was allowed to leave the campus unless one fulfills the following requirements: he/she has a) a parent's permit b) a parent as chaperon c) a teacher as chaperon. of course, in all their power, the hardworking student tried everything to succeed: talk, talk, and forge. it turned out that the pen was real mightier than the tongue.
forget it. we were able to leave the school grounds by 11 am.
wasted three hours, oh crap. and by the way, i believe we were given an off campus to have sufficient quality time to do the project. but if this nincompoop administration keeps on laying their dead bodies in front of the school gate.... damn. *sorry for the foul language.* and as far as i'm concerned, i don't need no chaperon with me.
anyway, please, let's not waste time. for time is gold. and gold is money.
speaking of money.....
who is willing to give me Php2200??? we badly need it for experimentation. solicitation letters have been circulating lately, i believe. so please. please. please!!! i don't have money.
all said....
hail [hell] to research! the cornerstone of my future.
[p.s. sorry if i didn't go into certain details, i'm still trying to recover back to my old blogger self.]
okey. kaharap ko na naman si notepad, si monitor at si keyboard..
magtatype ng tungkol sa...
sa...
hayan, kita niyo na? walang kwenta ano? wala akong masulat. marami namang nangyayari.
dadaan ako sa blog ng mga tao. goodness, ang hahaba ng mga entries nila. at gaya ng sabi ko, marami rin talagang nangyayari. research pa lang diba?
ba't ako wala? may hinihintay akong mangyari, o maganap, o masaksihan.......
meron nga ba?
....hay.
we'll see...
kacie. kassandra. kassa.
ma. kassandra deloso salvacion.
hay nako. ba't ikaw na naman? di pa ba ako nagsasawa sayo?
araw-araw, ba't ikaw kaagad ang hinahanap? ikaw kaagad yung gustong makita. ikaw. ikaw na lang lagi! pero pag nakita ko na, wala lang. para bang, andyan ka lang, masaya na ako. ngumiti ka lang, maganda na ang araw ko. ganun ba talaga?
tapos, parang lagi ko na lang pinapangarap na makausap ka. na marinig ang boses mo na may sinasabi saken. lagi na lang. lagi na lang hahanap-hanapin ang mga mata mo. tapos pag nagkasalubong, ako naman si tanga, iiwas lang. hindi man lang makabati.
hanggang pangarap na nga lang ba talaga?
ako naman. yung tahimik. yung ayaw magsalita. yung taong alam mong may dinaramdam, pero mukhang wala naman kaya ayaw magparamdam. yung taong pangiti-ngiti lang, pero sa kaloob-looban, pagod na. nanghihina. nalulungkot. yung lalaki na akala mo kung sinong mayabang at magaling, pero sa totoo ay mahina at iyakin. tama ako diba? oo, ako yan. yung mapagpanggap na akala mo, walang pakialam sayo pero meron. hay nako.
isipin mo naman, lagi na akong ganyan sayo. walang pagbabago, tama ba?
ay hindi. mali pala. hindi naman ako ganyan sayo dati diba? kasi dati, nakakausap naman kita. nakakasama naman kita. hindi naman ako nahihiya sayo. *hindi ba?* siguro kasi bata pa ako nun.
ewan ko ha. sino ba ang nagbago sa atin? ako ba yung umiiwas? yung nagtitimpi? yung nagtatago?
o, hindi ba ikaw yung hindi namamansin? yung walang pakialam? yung taong ayaw tanggapin kung ano yung totoo???
teka. baka hindi mo nga pala alam yung totoo. wala ka naman kasing pakialam. atsaka, wala rin naman akong ginawa para iparamdam sayo diba? quits lang pala. bakit wala akong ginawa? para kasing may magbabago pag meron, diba? tingin mo, meron ba? yun naman ang totoo eh. ganyan ka pa rin. ganito pa rin ako.
walang pagbabago. siguro, wala rin namang mangyayaring masama o mawawala saken pag sinabi ko na ano ang totoo. kaya.... sasabihin ko na lang.
o dapat ko pa bang sabihin? alam ko namang alam mo na rin kung anong sasabihin ko. nasayo nga lang siguro ang problema: ayaw mong maniwala. tama ba? kasi hindi naman mukhang totoo. akala mo, isang malaking biro lang ang lahat. hindi biro ang lahat ng ito; kasi kung linoloko lang kita, ba't pa ako susulat ng ganito kahaba para lang sayo? sabihin mo nga!
hay. pasensya na. nasobrahan na yata ako. ganito na lang.
alam mo ba na namimiss na kita? oo. kahit na madalas naman kitang nakikita na andyan lang. baka hindi mo lang ako napapansin. baka hindi mo lang talaga alam na andito lang ako. hindi ko alam. ang alam ko lang talaga, namimiss na kita. gusto na talaga kitang makausap, kahit minsan lang. diba ang magkaibigan dapat nag-uusap? dapat may communication? may bonding moments? dapat masaya, gaya ng dati... diba? at maniwala ka o hindi, malaking kawalan saken ang hindi ka nakakasama. promise, totoo yan.
tapos, wag na wag mong sasabihing hindi ka maganda. kasi, nagpapanggap ka lang na isang taong hindi naman ikaw *tignan mo ako.* alam mo naman kung ano ang totoo eh. isipin mo na lang, mababaliw na ako sayo ng ganito kung hindi ka ganun kaganda? *magpatangkad ka na lang, pwede na. joke!!!!* ang ibig sabihin ko lang, maganda ka na sa kung sino ka ngayon. kaya dapat nakangiti ka lagi. *para masaya na rin ako....*
ikatlo, wag mong isipin na walang kwenta na ang buhay mo. feel ko kasi seryoso ka eh. kung hindi naman, disregard this part na lang. pero, maniwala ka, may purpose ka pa sa mundong ito. hindi ka binigyan ni Lord ng talent at buhay para lang sa wala, diba? at mind you, mawawalan ka lang ng saysay sa earth pag wala nang nagmamahal sayo. problem is, hindi ka mawawalan nun. andyan lagi si Lord. just look up to Him... tsaka, kung sakali namang mawalan ka ng kaibigan *na i doubt na mangyari,* andito pa ako. kung walang saysay ang buhay mo, pano pa ako? di ba? eh di may karamay ka nang walang kwentang tao. *joke lang.* hindi, siguro kasi kaya iniisip mong ganun kasi hindi mo alam na nandito lang ako, kaya sinasabi ko na ngayon.
uhmm... ano nga pala, sorry. sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry sa lahat-lahat. alam kong masama ako sayo. sobra. kaya kung may hinanakit ka sakin, naiinitindihan kita. kasalanan ko na yun, so let me deal with myself. sorry talaga....
at salamat. salamat. salamat talaga. napakabait mo sa akin... hindi ko kayang ibalik ang lahat ng kabaitan mo dahil sobrang dami... pero susubukan ko pa rin...
hmmm. may dapat pa ba akong sabihin sayo? o nasabi ko na lahat? tingin ko oo... pero in summary, eto lang talaga yun.
I LOVE YOU. o kung hindi mo maintindihan yan... MAHAL KITA.
okey na ba? please naman, maniwala ka na kasi. para sa akin, hindi ko na maiintindihan kung ano pa ang malabo diyan. pero kung malabo pa rin talaga... kasalanan ko na yun, siguro kasi malabo lang talaga ako. *at sorry kung ganun nga.*
so... sana maliwanag na ang lahat. hindi ko na alam kung ano ang mangyayari pagkatapos na mabasa mo ito *kung mabasa mo man....* bahala na si Lord dun... sana naintindihan mo lahat ng sinabi ko. totoo yan. promise.
sige, kacie.. hanggang dito na lang siguro. smile po lagi, at God bless... (",)
o, baket? may inaasahan ka bang makita dito? pinagod mo lang sarili mo!
waw. ang galing mo naman, kung nababasa mo ito. at dahil magaling ka, ililibre kita ng coke/strawberry float/sundae/mcflurry sa mcdo, pagkatapos ng off campus (mga august yun.) basta sabihin mo lang saken kung ano yung nabasa mo sa entry na ito. okey? promise, totoo ito. wala kasing magawa eh. hehehe!!! sige. congrats ulet! p.s. wag nio pong pagkakalat ha!!!
ring... ring... ring, the phone whimmed. i was then tasked by dear ol' dad the unenviable practice of answering the call - ateneo vs. la salle was just about to start then.
"hello?"
"good evening. is this mr. gabriel de leon?"
"yes, ma'am. why?"
"a certain miss kaye lapuz is trying to call you from miami, florida. would you take the call?"
silence. my heart suddenly skipped two beats. is this for real? i was then lost into a quandary of emotions..
"sir, are you still there?" came the operator's sweet voice from the receiver.
"uh, yes... i'll take the call."
"thank you. a moment, please..."
tick. tock. tick. tock -
"hello gab!" a familiar voice resounded from the other end. a tune, sweeter than that of any interlude i could think of, mild, mellow.... a jovial sound that once was the response which i always hear, four years past.... all coming back at that moment.
"kaye? therese kaye lapuz??" i still couldn't believe what i've just heard.
"oo gab, ako ito. at marunong pa rin akong mag-tagalog, don't worry..." she said, then a gasp of laughter followed, that oh-so-familiar muffled melody. (goodness, what's happening to me?)
"hehe... okey, kaw nga talaga yan. alam mo, nung isang araw lang, naalala kita. namimiss na pala kita... hehehe!!" now i knew it was for real. that was she.
"oo nga eh. ikaw rin. ba't naman bigla mo akong naalala??? ikaw ha. joke!"
"kasi, malakas ang ulan dito. naaalala mo pa nung naglakad tayo sa ulan dati, kasi wala tayong pamasahe?"
"ah, oo!!! waw naman, salamat, naaalala mo pa pala ako."
obviously overjoyed at the way things are going, i replied, "syempre. ikaw pa! pano kitang makakalimutan, ha?? kaw kasi, iniwan-iwan mo pa ako dito!"
"haha. ang sweet mo pa rin hanggang ngayon... nakakamiss ka talaga. sorry ha, di ko rin naman ginustong umalis diyan eh."
"alam ko. at miss na rin kita... ano, kwento naman! kamusta na buhay dyan?"
"ayos lang. taas ng grades ko dito eh, as usual. haha!! nga pala, bakasyon na rin dito. ikaw, musta pag-aaral mo?"
"ah, ako?? ayos lang. pa-graduate na ako. huhu, ang tanda ko na."
"oo nga noh, belated nga pala!!! sorry hindi kita nabati... pasensya na ha!!"
"hay nako. ganyan naman eh.. di, ayos lang yun. kaw naman yan eh. hehehe!"
silence. why is there silence after every laugh?
"oo nga pala, bakit ka tumawag?? promise, nagulat talaga ako."
"hay. gab, gusto mo talagang malaman?"
halt. my hand suddenly ached. "why the sudden change of mood, kaye? okey lang yun. ano nga?"
"sige na nga. pero bago ko sabihin... kung magagalit ka sa akin pagkatapos nito, maiintindihan kita. wala akong galit sayo, gab."
still i did not understand. "kaye, ano na yun? please."
"gab..." she said slowly, "naalala mo ba nung bago ako umalis? nangako ako sayo... tama ba?"
"...oo." then i knew where this conversation was going. for a fleeting second i wanted to shout farewell at the receiver and slam it hard. but, no...
"uhm, so ito, tumutupad lang ako sa pangako ko. gab... ganito yun. may boyfriend na ako... ulit."
it was mind-shattering. torn between the idea of crying out loud in front of mom and dad or reacting otherwise, i kept my silence.
"gab, andyan ka pa?"
"oo naman... sino, yung kapitbahay nyo? what's his name again... james?"
"... oo siya yun. ayos ka lang?"
"hehe, syempre. basta sabihin mo lang pag sinaktan ka nyan ha."
"sabi mo eh. pangako yan. hahaha!!"
i took a dose of new air. "kaye, since nasabi mo na naman yung dapat mong sabihin, at alam nating mahal ang long distance call, siguro hanggang dito na lang. pasensya na ha, kasi tatay ko eh. alam mo naman diba... pasensya na. at salamat talaga."
"ganun ba? sige, ayos lang, naiintindihan kita. kakarating lang din ng nanay ko. sige, gab, paalam na. at salamat sa lahat. hindi talaga kita makakalimutan."
"ako rin. o siya, baka mahuli ka pa. basta sabihin mo sa lalaking yan, ingatan ka niya ha. kundi lagot siya saken."
"naks naman. sige. ako bahala dun. hehe! at nakakamiss pala talagang mag-tagalog."
"baket, marunong ka pa naman ha!"
"ganun ba? hehe. sige, babay na talaga, gab."
"sige, bye...."
no. i still had to say something else.
"kaye... teka lang..."
"ano yun?"
"uhm, kaye... i love you... at hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang isang kaibigan na tulad mo."
"....gab, nakakagulat ka.... hehe. love you too. ingat ka diyan ha."
"ikaw rin. sige, bye, therese kaye."
"bye gabriel... i miss you. God bless."
beep. beep. beep. beep.
she was gone.
beep. beep. beep. beep.
she's not there anymore. i put the handset down.
"c'mon gab, things happen. it'll pass...." i quietly said to myself.
back on the couch, i stared into the white ceiling.
i miss you too...
I am who I am, who I know, who I believe. I love what I am, what I know, what I believe. I believe that who and what I am, that I should be. I want to be loved, to be happy, to be free. I use what I know to let you know what I believe. I give what I am, what I know, what I should be... ...for I am, who I am, what I am.
hay. ganito ba talaga ang pag-ibig? ang gaan ng pakiramdam, parang lumulutang ka sa mga ulap. ang corny noh? kaya nga tinatanong ko eh: ganito ba talaga ang pag-ibig? partida, wala pa siya nyan sa harap mo. pano pa kaya kung magkasabay kayong naglalakad, o kaya magkatabi kayo sa ulan? tapos, kung makipag-usap ka sa kanya, parang... wala lang. happy happy. kung mag-usap kala mo kung sinong matalik na magkaibigan eh na ngayon lang ulit nagkita at nagkausap. pero alam mong hindi naman ganun, diba? oo, alam mong sandali lang kayo magkakasama. kaya feeling mo, wala lang talaga. sinasamahan mo lang yung tao. eh bakit pa? ilang beses ko na rin tinanong yan sa sarili ko. kelan ko nalaman yung sagot? nung magkahiwalay na kami. nung may iba na siyang pupuntahan. nung alam mong, kelangan na niyang magpaalam. hayan. ngayong wala na siya sa tabi mo, alam mo na kung bakit gusto mo siyang nakakasama, nakakasabay. hayan, hindi mo na malaman kung dapat ka bang ngumiti, kung dapat magsaya, kung dapat malungkot, kung maglalakad ka na lang ba ng mag-isa sa ulan - kung anong dapat mong gawin. at, oo, ganun nga siguro talaga ang pag-ibig. kaya... ngumiti ka na lang.
is it....
the lace neatly knotted around your hair...
or the tight cord choking my heart painfully?
the light which glowers right at your face...
or the dark curtain which blocks you from me?
the rose that someday i could finally give...
or whose thorns, into my heart you deeply pierce?
the color of the words clearly written here...
or the nature of those which i really want to say?
bakit ba pagkatapos kong kumain ng hapunan, dederetso ako sa harap ng monitor, ibubukas yung notepad, at magta-type ng mga bagay na naaalalang nagdaan sa isang araw?
bakit ba andami kong naaalalang mga pangyayari???
bakit ba lagi kang kasama ka sa mga ala-alang iyon?
bakit ba pag naiisip kita, magdadrama ako sa notepad na hindi naman de-papel???
bakit minsan, bigla akong malulungkot, o minsa'y iiyak sa harap ng keyboard??
bakit kahit gano kahirap, susubukan ko pa ring isulat yung mga bagay na yun??
bakit pag ikaw, kahit ano pa yan, lagi akong apektado??
bakit ba hindi ko magawang mainis o magalit sayo, kahit ikaw ang dahilan ng lahat ng hinanakit ko???
bakit kahit wala na akong makitang dahilan para ngumiti, isang tingin lang sa iyo, sa buhay ako'y nakukuntento nang muli??
bakit ba, sa paglingon-lingon ko, mga mata mo ang laging hahanap-hanapin??
bakit pag nakita kitang malungkot o tahimik, may kakaibang kabog na tumitiris sa aking damdamin??
bakit nga ba... ikaw ang napili kong mahalin???
bakit ba puro bakit ang mga tanong ko sa aking sarili?
bakit ba ako nagtatanong ng mga bagay na alam kong ako lang ang makakasagot?
bakit kaya, pagkatapos ng lahat ng ito, isusulat ko ito sa isang notepad, ilalagay sa aking blog, at ipapaubaya sa mga mambabasa na intindihin ang sitwasyon ko???
at, bakit, bakit kaya hindi pa ako nagsasawa sa mga walang kwentang pinagsusulat ko dito???
oh boy. research... again.
why, it's four o' clock in the morning. and i'm only halfway done. no sleep, my friends.
and it's all highlighted with a red blotch in the left cheek.
what red blotch? the pink tic which appeared after mommy administered a whopping at my face.
all because i was too desperate to finish this whole piece of junk. using yahoo! messenger, i asked for help from this certain girl (who actually knows a lot about research.) that was three o' clock in the dawn. then out of nowhere a small yet supple hand came smack! into my face.
"akala ko ba nagreresearch ka? mukhang nanliligaw ka lang eh!" came the shrill cry of dear mommy.
"ha? hindi po! nagpapatulong lang ako sa research!" i retorted back, obviously outraged at the act. but no alibi or reason seemed to satisfy her, so she returned to bed with a hot head which really shouldn't be there.
anyway, the damage was done. and blotch or no blotch, my cheek hurts.
take me as you are.. push me on the road..
the silence, i need this time to be with you...
but where's the silence, when i desperately need it the most?
i'm sorry if it doesn't seem like this... but.. i need to be next to you. or this might be clearer; so to make things real short....
i miss you. badly.
i know you don't feel it that way. but reality is, every moment i've had with you, every single laughter and word, every smile... all is vividly pictured in my mind. like a filmstrip which would never stop reeling...
and when things shift back to reality, a blank thought fills the empty void inside me. because nothing's happened.
so i'm sorry. my fault anyway.
maybe, those memories, i just should keep to myself... i can't really tell if you care. not that you need me...
but i do.
DEAR READER,
This blog site is no more used by the writer.
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